You don’t choose your family. They are
God’s gift to you, as you are to them.
Bishop Desmond Tutu
I wrote the article below on Monday and the following Wednesday my father-in-law, Ed, passed. My heart is hurting and sad because he was more than a father-in-law; he was great friend whom I will miss very much. He struggled with his health for two and a half years, and I know he’s at peace now. Ed, I love you very much, and I’m grateful for the great times we had and grateful I could be there for you at the end.
My friend, I’m writing this article today in my in-laws’ living room. I have just a few minutes before I have to take my father-in-law to the hospital to see his wife, my mother-in-law, and then later in the day I will take him to dialysis.
My father in law and mother in law
My whole life was turned completely upside down about a week ago when my wife and I decided to move in with my wife’s parents who are both in their eighties. My mother-in-law has bladder cancer and had her bladder removed last week, and my father-in-law is not in good health and should not be left alone.
This has been a challenging situation for so many reasons—I’m living somewhere different; I don’t know where anything is; and I feel very disorganized. I am totally out of my routine, and I love routine. Then there’s the stress from all the things I mentioned above, and other family members are stressed, because we all are dealing with the health of a loved one.
I know I attracted all of this in my life to learn something, because life is a great teacher if you allow it. What am I learning for my own personal evolution? To be committed to service of my in-laws and to the world, that to be of service to something other than myself, and to have the care and well-being of people means more than my everyday comforts.
I know there are two words that can change and make this world so much more beautiful and better. If you’re not sure if things are bad in this world of ours, watch the evening news or read a history book. I’m not trying to give you doom and gloom, but I do think it’s time we (humanity) wake up to the truth that we can raise to higher vibration and make things a lot better for everyone on this small planet we call home. We’re all in this boat together—hurtling through space—and it’s time to stop the chaos we have been creating for thousands of years.
One those two words is TRUTH ( integrity), which is a divinity that comes from deep inside of us (article I wrote on integrity). This is complete opposite of the stories that religion and society have told us. Truth is unlearning the garbage that stops us from being God’s vessel.
The next word would be SERVICE, which is being aligned with God/higher power that cares and loves everything in the world equally. True service is more about helping someone or something in need than it is any monetary reward. There is absolutely nothing wrong with money—it’s the energy exchange we use to get food, shelter, clothing, etc. When our heart is truly in service, service comes first and the money is secondary. I’ve experienced people talking about their service, but it felt to me like taking care of their interest was more important than coming from a place of making someone or something better . . . selfless service.
This moving-in experience with my in-laws is challenging and is bringing up new triggers and reactions for me. My mind wants to believe that this anger and emotion I’m feeling is caused by my wife, family member, or anyone but me. But I know it’s something in my soul that needs healed. No matter how much I want to blame someone else, I know it’s something from my past that needs brought to the light of now.
Are you having emotional reactions to your husband, children, family, boss, and other people around you? Are you blaming the other person for your reactions? As strange has this sounds, it’s not the other person—It’s the garbage inside our subconscious that needs healing. Imagine how peaceful life would be if we didn’t have reactions and triggers to other people; they are really angels you know. This is freedom my friend.
The last thing I would like to say is how grateful I am that my wife and can do this for my in-laws. I know this is a huge privilege that a lot of other people would not be able to do.
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Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.
I BELIEVE IN YOU!!